Rosemarie Nikula Beckhorn Bonacum

We are gathered this morning for the worship of God and to bear witness to our faith in the resurrection, the resurrection of all who are buried in Jesus Christ our Lord and the resurrection of Rosemarie Nikula Beckhorn Bonacum.  Rosemarie died peacefully at home on Monday evening, after a stubborn and difficult struggle with pancreatic cancer.  She was 64.

Rosemarie was born in 1943 in Johnson City, New York, the only child of Anthony and Mary Nikula.  Johnson City was a “company” town, and the company was the Endicott-Johnson Shoe Company.  Rosemarie’s parents and extended family all worked in the factory.  Rosemarie attended the public schools in Johnson City before graduating from high school in the neighboring town of Vestal Hills in 1959.

When she was growing up, Rosemarie’s mother told her, “You can be a nurse or a secretary.”   Rosemarie opted for the former, and took up nursing, receiving her cap from the Binghamton State Nursing School in 1961.  Shortly thereafter she married Gordon Beckhorn.  The couple moved to Buffalo for Gordon to finish college. Rosemarie went to work as a nurse.  Graduate school for Gordon followed, first in New Orleans, and then in New York.  A daughter, Gretchen, was born in 1964. 

By 1970 the family was living in New York City.  Along the way Rosemarie managed to go full time to college while also nursing full time.  By the time she took an undergraduate degree from Fordham in 1975 followed by graduate study John Jay College in New York, Rosemarie had transitioned out of clinical nursing and into medical research. Her interests – and her employment – shifted as well.  After a stint on a suicide hotline, Rosemarie became more and more interested in psychology, and particularly theories of aggression.  A passion for juveniles who entered the juvenile justice system, first felt as a high schooler, was re-awakened.  She became more and more involved in working with kids in trouble.

In 1979 Rosemarie went to work for the New York Division of Criminal Justice, progressing from a program analyst to Director of the Governor’s Alternatives to Incarceration Program. 

Gordon and Rosemarie separated in 1981, and then divorced.   By 1983, a casual professional relationship with a business associate, a New York City policeman, took a different turn. Rosemarie and Bill Bonacum married on Valentine’s Day, 1983, here in Richmond.  Bill had been offered a job here, and Rosemarie followed.

Rosemarie then worked for the Virginia Department of Correction for two years.  When Bill took a position back in Albany, Rosemarie went back to work for the state of New York, this time for the Commission on Quality of Care.  Nine years later, a job offer, this time to Rosemarie, brought them back to Richmond.  Rosemarie retired earlier this year as the Director of Facility Operations and Quality Assurance for the Virginia Department of Mental Health, Mental Retardation, and Substance Abuse Services.

All told, Rosemarie spent some 30 years in public service in the areas of juvenile justice and mental health. She had a remarkable career, but her work was less of a job and more of a vocation for her.  She was passionately driven to serve, protect, and if possible, heal, the wounded of this world.  And she acted on this passion with both assertive action and compassionate care.  As Paul Ferency, her former pastor in Middleburgh, NY, said of her:

“Rosemarie had the ability to discomfort those who became so comfortable that they neglected to see the needs of others.  She also had the gift of being able to bring comfort to those who had been discomforted by the insensitivity and injustices of the world around them.  She tried to fix the brokenness of life and restore things to what God intended them to be.  She treated all with respect and reverence.  She did what was needed doing, doing it faithfully, carefully, diligently and with an awareness that her abilities were a gift from God.”

Although she worked long and hard, Rosemarie was not all work and no play.  She was a sociable companion, and was perhaps most at ease with good friends gathered around a dining table. She enjoyed a wide variety of foods, especially those from the ethnic diversity of the City.  She was also a gourmet cook and gracious hostess.

Rosemarie loved New York. She felt the rural and small towns of NY were expressive of the richness of her native state. But she really loved New York, New York.  She drew energy from the cultural and ethnic and economic and social diversity of America’s greatest city.

Even though she never learned to swim, Rosemarie had a life-long love of the water.  She especially loved the water lapping at the beach, finding peace and renewal in the rhythmic waves of nature. Annual family gatherings for Thanksgiving at the Outer Banks were a beloved tradition.  She started going to Sanibel Island in the 1970’s, fully embracing what that little corner of Florida beach had to offer.  Her shell collection started there.  Today her family shares some of her zillion shells with you – and invites you to take shells from Rosemarie’s collection, found on a table in the reception area.

Rosemarie was always a collector of books.  She became a collector of apples somewhat by accident.  One year Bill gave her an ornamental apple, reflective of her love for the “big apple”.  Then family and friends decided she was an apple aficionado, and she indeed accumulated a fascinating collection!

Rosemarie was baptized in the Russian Orthodox Church, and although she spent her adult life as a Protestant, the sense of mystery and yearning for the deeply spiritual, found so profoundly in the orthodox tradition, never left her.  After some time in the Methodist Church, Rosemarie found a spiritual home in the Middleburgh Reformed Church from which she never really departed.  It was there that she found a way to express her faith through community and social action.  She was immersed in the community of the church as well. She was first ordained an elder in that church, and found her voice as a leader in the church there.

Here in Richmond Rosemarie and Bill found a home in the Bon Air Presbyterian Church.  Rosemarie was active in the various missions and ministries of the Church and Society Division and the Worship division.  She was a frequent and enthusiastic teacher in the adult church school. She enjoyed very much the table fellowship of dining with church friends.  When she was elected an elder, she took on leadership for the worship life of the congregation, serving as the moderator of the Worship Division.

In recent years, Rosemarie became more and more interested in Celtic Spirituality - that stream of Christian faith and worship that seeks to listen more than to talk, and to join with God’s natural order, as opposed to trying to tame it.  She was also supportive of this church’s movement towards ministries of healing for health and wholeness – even before she herself fell ill.  During her short but intense illness, Rosemarie continued to seek God’s peace and purpose for her life and the lives of others. And she continued to be fed by the word and witness of ancient and contemporary prophetic voices, especially the Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr.

About a week before she died, Rosemarie and I talked about this memorial service, which she could see was coming soon.  We talked about her love of the beach, and her desire to share of her shell collection with her friends.  I told Rosemarie a story of Loren Eisley, which I thought was expressive of her love of the beach and her passion for helping the helpless and bringing hope to the hopeless.  She thought so too.   It goes like this:

A man walking along the beach came upon a galaxy of starfish in the sand. The tide had brought them in, and they had been unable to work their way back before the tide receded.  It was a sad sight, for soon the starfish would die, by the thousands, in the scorching sun.  On down the beach, the man saw another man. This one was picking up starfish and hurling them into the waves.  When the two men met, the first said, “Why are you doing that?  There are thousands of starfish here. You can’t possibly save them that way.”  “I know,” he replied, but I can save some of them, and that will make a difference to them.”

Rosemarie was a starfish thrower.

Rosemarie is survived by Bill, her husband of 24 years; her daughter Gretchen Beckhorn of Dobbs Ferry, N.Y.; her step-children, Joan Most of Clifton, N.J., Linda Sparke Toner of Commack, N.Y., Ernest Bonacum of Concord, Calif., Diane Pearson of Honey Brook, Pa., and Peter Bonacum of Doylestown, Pa; four step-grandchildren, one step great-grandchild; other extended family and a host of friends and appreciative colleagues.

Having gathered for our mutual support and to hear the comfort of the scriptures, let us worship God:

R. Charles Grant

Bon Air Presbyterian Church

Richmond, Virginia

July 14, 2007